The Inkspots

If I didn't care, would I still feel this way?
If it isn't love, can my heart still feel betrayed?

I'd forgotten I could feel like this...

Have you ever been really in love with someone but known that circumstances just wouldn't let it work?

So we broke up and it was pretty much mutual, (she did it, but I didn't blame her) and at first I wasn't even that cut up about it. But recently, I've been dreaming of her and waking up feeling depressed.

The best way to describe my emotions right now is to say that when I was typing her a message earlier, I wanted so badly to type "I miss You" at the end, but couldn't because I know it would only hurt her.

I still love you Amanda.

You took all there was all my body my heart,
now I just want to heal but don't know where to start,
When the pieces don't fit and it hurts just to see,
Now I only wish there was no you and me,

The heat that once was, the touch of soft lips,
I can't help but recall as the mask I wear slips,
Now I wake into sorrow, this ache that I feel,
as the dreams of you tell me I don't want to heal.

It's been almost 4 months since Jos died and it's just as bad as it was at the start. I sat down tonight to play COD4 on PS3 but had to stop because I constantly remember playing it with him over and over again. It's my favourite game of all time and i can't even play it anymore. Its not just when i'm alone either. In fact it would feel so wrong to play it with any of my other friends now, I actually cringe internally at the idea.

I'm so fucking tore up inside.

Fuck this life and fuck all that is. I miss you Joseph.
In a lot of ways you were my best friend and understood my in a way that not many people do, but i doubt i was ever yours. You were so much cooler than me.

I don't know if there is a heaven or even a god. But even if there is i doubt you'd be in heaven. I want to go to hell with you when i die.
Love always bro.
RIP