It's been almost 4 months since Jos died and it's just as bad as it was at the start. I sat down tonight to play COD4 on PS3 but had to stop because I constantly remember playing it with him over and over again. It's my favourite game of all time and i can't even play it anymore. Its not just when i'm alone either. In fact it would feel so wrong to play it with any of my other friends now, I actually cringe internally at the idea.

I'm so fucking tore up inside.

Fuck this life and fuck all that is. I miss you Joseph.
In a lot of ways you were my best friend and understood my in a way that not many people do, but i doubt i was ever yours. You were so much cooler than me.

I don't know if there is a heaven or even a god. But even if there is i doubt you'd be in heaven. I want to go to hell with you when i die.
Love always bro.
RIP

Santiago & Dunbar

I fucking love this movie. Saul is the fucking reason i love wearing pajamas everywhere. There's one point when Saul and Dale are selling weed and Saul says "Tell them you got it from Santiago and Dunbar" to protect their identities. Me and my friend Joseph always used to laugh at that because his last name was Dunbar and I'm Sam. Plus he was my smoking mate. He was the only guy i knew back then who smoked and did weed. Hell, i was with him the first time i ever tried it.

Since he died in November I've been thinking of him heaps, especially recently. I think its just really setting in. I'm just glad I still have the memories. I think of him every time i smoke.

xoxo

R.I.P. Man, love always.