I'd forgotten I could feel like this...

Have you ever been really in love with someone but known that circumstances just wouldn't let it work?

So we broke up and it was pretty much mutual, (she did it, but I didn't blame her) and at first I wasn't even that cut up about it. But recently, I've been dreaming of her and waking up feeling depressed.

The best way to describe my emotions right now is to say that when I was typing her a message earlier, I wanted so badly to type "I miss You" at the end, but couldn't because I know it would only hurt her.

I still love you Amanda.

Snapshot: Listening, Watching, Reading, Wearing, Wanting

Listening: to Guns and Guitars by Matt Mason. Mean country beat and some killer lyrics, "can't say no cause they driven crazy by those soul singin', bullet flingin' men that won't mind the stars."

Watching: Tupac, Resurrection. This is the deepest thing i've seen in a long time and totally worth watching. The realest rapper in the world who narrates his own entire life. It's a pretty heavy watch and brings a lot of social issues into my mind. Hated by the general public for his violent lyrics but totally unapologetic and absolutely a product of society, Tupac is basically my hero. (This from some skinny, white boy) Despite being a total thug, Tupac Shakur was a genuinely intellegent guy and read the works of Sun Tzu and Niccolo Machiavelli.

Reading: My text books for the Health Sci course... its just homework.

Wearing: My scarf and thinking how much I will be thankful for it when it actually is Winter.

Wanting: To make a human connection, honestly. Also that I could get off my ass to hit up the gym.

"You know, there's a million fine looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you." - Silent Bob in Clerks

A Fresh Set

I've been thinking so much in the last few days. Despite the fact that My friends are nowhere near me, I feel they are little further away than we already were. Where before, physical distance meant we were together, where does that put us now? I have met a few people here who seem to be on the same level with me. But my introspective nature makes it difficult, not to talk to people, but to want to bother. I genuinely hope I can find another soul like mine. But where the fuck to look??

An Old Poem

By the pain I see in others
I shall learn, and I shall grow
and with the strength I hold in my arms
I will never let you go.

I will learn to love you truly
I will keep you in my mind,
and if ever you are lost
then you'll in me an answer find.

You may hurt me, you may leave me,
but when you are feeling pain,
you can simply fall back into me,
I'd love you just the same.

By the pain I see in others
I'll be born again anew,
and by the love I feel in this heart
I'll be born again in you.

College Boy #1

So I just got the email from Otago yesterday confirming my place next year as I passed Level 3 and got my UE endorsement. I'm stoked as and am finally getting excited to head off and get into it!

Priceless Advice(less)

"My advice, forget her, dude. There's one bitch in the world, one with many faces."
- Jay, Chasing Amy

Gone Awol(nation)

This is how I show my love
I made it in my mind because
I blame it on my A.D.D. baby

This is how an angel cries
I blame it on my own sick pride
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Maybe I should cry for help
Maybe I should kill myself
Blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Maybe I'm a different breed
Maybe I'm not listening
So blame it on my A.D.D. baby

Done.

So school is finally over for me and its quite an emotional time so I just wanted to say...


Seriously though, i'm so stoked about finishing up here and i've just gotta go in one last time today to get my leaver's cert.

Then its just applying to Otago Uni (I'm already in my dorm) and i'm fuckin sorted.

Goodbye JPII, it was...... slow.

Puffin' like a Zion Train

Don't gain the world and lose your soul,

wisdom is better than silver or gold

Snapshot: Listening, Watching, Reading, Wearing, Wanting

Listening: To 'who's got the herb' by Sublime. Its got a real mellow beat and the classic wavering 311 sound.

Watching: All the new episodes of South Park on Comedy Central. So F**king funny man.. I just saw the one where all the guys in town go metro because of 'Queer eye for the Straight guy'. "Crab people!"

Reading: 'The Wasps' by Aristophanies. Its for my classics exam, but some bits are pretty funny ay.

Wearing: My pajama pants, our highschool leavers jersy and a woolen hat. So warm.

Wanting: Pizza... and a drink. And some chips. And some skittles.... And some more bud. :'(

Jehst & Asaviour - Weed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OWEcM9Pa0ec

Prying Open My Third Eye